My calculations were off. My legacy doesn't exist.

I'm going to talk about a couple of "ifs" from the weekend. Or perhaps I will talk about "hads." Had I been asleep in my bed when a large section of the ceiling (from a pre-war building) above my bed collapsed, I would not be here today. That might strike you as hyperbole but just a small chunk, say 12" x 12", weighs 8 pounds. A section, roughly 4' x 4' fell.

While that means that I would've died healthy and relatively young, my legacy would've been nothing worth noting.

The whole "I want to die young, happy, and healthy" is tied to my legacy. I want to die young, happy, and healthy having something to show for my time. This does NOT mean that I need to have amassed billions of dollars and have a wing of a hospital, or a library, named after me. But I don't see a reason to be here, if not to leave a permanent positive mark.

Had those chunks of pre-war plaster fallen on my head, GAME OVER and I would've failed myself. Big time.

This collapse came on the heels of a few other weird things. I'm going to bundle all of these up and name it, The Most Recent Wake-up Call.

What did I do in the midst of all this? For one thing, I continued to breathe. And I was up half the night cleaning up debris and dust and thinking how lucky I am. Next, I finally got up the guts to sort of ask out a woman I'm supposed to be with. And I'm taking a much more practical approach to things. Earlier in the day on Saturday, I'd had a long talk with my business partner to let her know where I stand on a few things, so at least I would've died knowing that she and I were square. And Spring, on the east coast, has finally sprung so there are months of opportunity ahead of me. And I don't plan on squandering them.

In terms of the material world, my heirs would've been a bit bummed out (I guess, "boo hoo, she's gone") but I'd hope they would rejoice in the money and land I've left to them. For those of us who are still here, we're meant to enjoy this life.

I'm a little dazed by the close-ish call. Just waaaay too close this time.