What is young?

Ultimately, I won’t be the person who determines whether or not I died young. That will be up to the coroner. I want him/her to look at my body and have to check my D.O.B. a couple of times to be sure and I want him/her to be incredulous. “She doesn’t look 97 years old to me.”

Getting old does not interest me. And I believe that it can be avoided.

Now, there’s something about me you’ve got to understand. I am one of the laziest people on the planet. This means that I’ve got to revamp my entire approach to life. For most of my life I have done the bare minimum of what was asked of me (in the conventional sense). And I’m pretty sure that I’ve appeared as a directionless, ambitionless person. And I don’t have a problem with that. I was directionless and the ambitions I’ve pursued have been of the home-grown variety.  I don’t believe in regrets.

Moving forward (from today or as soon as possible) I need a structure. I need a plan. Without either I’ve got nothing. I don’t feel like I have much to show for my 47 years on earth. That’s the part that bugs me. That’s what made me realize that if I don’t do something soon (or one of these days) I’m going to die having accomplished very little.

Just so we’re clear I don’t think that earning a lot of money or going on fancy vacations qualify as accomplishments. I need to make a contribution. I need to make the world a better place.I need to feel satisfied.

In addition to be extremely lazy I am extremely lucky. For too long I’ve relied on luck. Moving forward I want to rely on a combination of luck and design.

The following falls under lucky:

                Two weeks ago, a woman I work with called me into her office to discuss the way I had made comments in a focus group regarding one of her projects. Let’s call her T. The basic gist is that T did not like the way I delivered my criticisms. Fair enough, I guess. (I was careful NOT to tell her never to attend art school, where people can be downright vicious and that's on a good day.) After about fifteen minutes of a discussion of my many flaws, I apologized, which T said was “not necessary.” At one point T said, “You might be hindering your career.” I interjected, “I don’t have a career.” T laughed. (Folks. Really and honestly, I have no career. I’m paid hourly in a support staff role. This I know. This I choose, for the time being.) T added that if R, another woman in our group, had been spoken to by me in the way that I spoke to T, R would’ve wanted “to stab you.”

We wrapped up our discussion. As I walked away I had several thoughts, the first one being that I never ever wanted to speak with T again. I would remain cordial and professional but gone was my desire to go the extra mile for her. The second thought was that I needed to “find my people.” The third thought was, “In the absence of a career what am I going to do with the rest of my life?”

And that brings us to the process I’ve entered where I decided to re-evaluate the way I live my life. And the reason the “chat” with T was lucky? If she hadn’t said what she said, it would’ve taken a lot longer for me to realize that I need to leave this job and find something more meaningful. (The luck of T speaking her mind shoved me out of the lazy zone, it nearly sent me running for the exit but I do have bills to pay.)

Now that I know I want to die young, I’ve realized that I have to establish what it means to be young. For me this is what I’ve got in mind (today):

Be able to eat as much as I’d like, whenever I’d like (without gaining ten pounds)

Get a good night’s sleep (without the aid of medication)

Be curious

Look forward to the day/s ahead

Accomplish one thing each day

Be fearless

No aches and pains

Have a reliable source of income (work for a while, no plans to retire, ever)