tiny reminder

Hi folks. I want to remind you that this blog is my way of putting my ideas about life and death, specifically, how to die well, out there.

I spend a good deal of time reading and thinking. I read financial blogs, I read memoir and biography. I spend at least 30 minutes each day meditating as a way to make space in my cluttered head, so that insights can emerge.

I'm not an expert on anything. Actually, if I'm an expert on anything it's how to make mistakes.

This morning I came across this blog. The guy kinda bugs me. Reading that he and his wife Betty enjoy simple meals, simple pleasure, and simple living with their million dollar nest egg is just so blah. Technically I'm not a proponent of simple anything. I think that we should live dynamic lives that are filled with texture. I like that Bob has (or had) a plan for retirement and he and Betty seem to be happily heading to their graves. Perhaps we can expect a simple service when the time comes. Take a look.

And one of the things I wanted to get into yesterday that I didn't get to was this: my 22 year old nephew died of a drug overdose last week. I'm not campaigning for any sympathy for him. He dropped out of high school, sold and used drugs. He thought he was a tough guy. And perhaps he was tough. My heart goes out to his mother, because she is in a lot of pain. He was her first born and the apple of her eye.

And then I read the news about the guy who walked into LAX; shot a few people and killed one of them.

The thing of it: none of us knows when we are going to go. Yeah, if you're putting yourself in the line of danger you've possibly increased your chances of an early, ugly exit. But for the rest of us who are trying to enjoy ourselves and live the good life, we live in a world filled with crazy people and unpredictable events. Hit a patch of black ice, late at night, go careening off the edge of the road and smash into a tree. Game over. (I know a guy who did just that. He was gone at age 35. Technically none of this was his fault. He left behind a wife and child.)

The reason to aim for a good death is this: if you've lived as wholly and completely, as authentically as you can, when you go, we'll all miss you but we'll look back and think about what a grand time you had while you were alive. Maybe you'll have done something that inspired us.

Planning for the future is wise, just don't do it at the expense of being here today. If you've got dreams, pursue them. If you love someone, really love them. Be smart and have fun. And don't let anyone tell you that you can't live the life you want.

got fridge?

This past summer I visited a few mansions and when I saw the indoor plumbing (tub, sink, toilet) I found myself underwhelmed. And I had think about that a bit and it dawned on me: in 1910 if I hadn't been among the top 1% I would've been living in some really ugly conditions. But what's even more intense is that there are people right now, today, who are living WITHOUT a toilet, fridge, and indoor hot and cold water. Look here.

Believe you me, you wouldn't want to trade positions with them. But the point is: if you’ve got: indoor plumbing, waste treatment, and a refrigerator you’re doing better than 40% of the world’s population. Should you be able to stock that fridge with food for a week you’re doing really well.

  

Got a checking account? Got a savings account? If you said no to both, figure out how to start with at least a basic checking account. If you haven’t got savings see if there’s room to grow. It’s true that some people are so strapped for cash they don’t have any savings. I didn’t have savings until I was in my 30s. But then again I left home when I was 17 and wasn’t particularly interested in following convention. The problem is, I wasn’t interested in following much of anything.

Looking back, I wish I’d had a stronger sense of self. I would’ve pushed myself waaaaay harder to never come back to the mainstream. I can’t stand the mainstream. The rat race affords some perks but sometimes I think I’m only breaking even.

But I fought like hell to get out of living in survival mode. So I've got to make the most of it.

Recently my girlfriend and I broke up. And while I miss her dearly things were not going well. In May she’d lost everything (except her dog, car, and computer) in a fire. Yup. She had to start from scratch. In a weird way watching her rebuild made me think about a lot of things. Obviously I pitched in and donated all the spare stuff I had and bought her a couple of appliances and generally did what I think a supportive partner should do. But as I watched her replace all her furniture I was hit by a couple of things, and one of those things might be “like duh” to you but I had never really thought about all the energy that we expend as we move about our daily lives. Driving around, buying food, cooking food, buying new stuff, being in each other’s lives. 

When I go into my apartment each night I'm entering a world of accumulation. Slowly I've added the furnishings, appliances, books, DVDs, clothing, pets, etc etc.

One day not too long ago, I noticed that the gf and I had hit a point of diminishing returns. We were building a life, but we were building a life I couldn’t inhabit. The day I made this realization was a rough day. How could I put another ounce of effort into a life I wasn’t going to live? The answer is: I couldn’t. Therefore I had to leave.

It strikes me as odd that my gf had to lose all her worldly possessions in order for me to wake up more fully to a life I want to live. But waking up is something I’m game for. I meditate and (on occasion) fast, and I exercise (mind and body and spirit) so I can be open to insight.

The ex- hasn’t talked to me in a while and won’t communicate along the usual channels (phone, text, email).  I’m left to think that she’s pissed off but I figure she would’ve been waaaay more pissed off had she found out I was living a lie. Or at the very least, I would’ve been pissed off with myself had I perpetuated a lie.

But back to the fridge. At the time that Edith Wharton was enjoying her time at The Mount, women in the United States did not have the right to vote. But Edith had her snazzy fridge. By 1920 the 19^th Amendment to the Constitution would grant women the right to vote. In 1993 the FMLA became a federal law. Now, should you (be female and) work in an office that’s covered, you can request a fridge just for breast milk. That’s right. In less than 100 years we’ve gone from only the wealthy in the U.S. (maybe a few thousand people) have an ice box, to female office workers (somewhere in the millions) with new-borns (somewhere in the 100,000) get a fridge in their cubicle.

If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is.

The fridge at The Mount

you might want to watch this. you might want to think about food policy in general.

I'm not entirely sure that food stamps are the solution for ending hunger. In fact I'm sure that they aren't. But if SNAP is drastically reduced from the food bill, you will observe a major retailer like Walmart reel, as it sees its overall numbers decline. Walmart is the largest food retailer in the U.S.

We've got big problems in this country -- none of which have easy fixes. But taking food out of the mouths of the poor (which will serve to create an even deeper rift between the haves and have nots) will not make us a wealthier nation. Not by a long shot.

watch this for a tiny peek.